How to Annoy the Axis Powers
by tanglefire4ever
Summary: Hey bros it's America! Today I'm going to tell you dudes how to seriously annoy the Axis powers! Remember, the USA rocks!
1. Germany

America stood proudly at the center of the conference room, stacking a list of papers in front of him.

"Are you ever going to get to the point?" England drawled from his seat, "Last I checked I thought you said that lists are boring..."

"Dude, I just had so many ideas I wasn't sure I'd be be able to remember them all bro!" America exclaimed, "So I wrote them all down and prepared a presentation! I'm so totally gonna annoy those Axis Power dudes!" He grinned.

"Well, I hope zees are good, because if I have to stare at your tacky uniform any longer zan necessary I fear I will be forced to take matters into my own hands," France said.

"Ok bros let's get started! Oh and by the way my agent made me put a disclaimer on this but these ideas are totally bomb so you can ignore it if you want!"

England looked up from his tea, "What sort of disclaimer -?"

"Alright!" America interrupted, "Let's get started!" he cleared his throat and began,

"How to Annoy the Axis Powers: Germany. **Notice:** The author will not be held responsible for any extra training hours, cleaning, shouting, beatings, bullets, executions, gassing or bananas inflicted on the reader as a result of viewing this post. **Read at your own risk.  
** Bros you can ignore that but if you are in trouble I'll save you 'cause I'm the USA and that's my job!

1\. Graphitii the outside of his house. Insist it is art. *snickers*

2\. Turn the pictures in his house so they are slightly off center.

3\. Turn the toilet paper roll turned the wrong way around.

4\. Have no toilet paper.

5\. Make the table cloth crooked.

6\. Make your bed so that the sheets and blankets are uneven on either side.

7\. Un alphabetize his books. And his music. Place CDs in the incorrect cases.

8\. Empty his beer. Place the empty cans back in the refrigerator.

9\. Empty his hair gel. Place the empty bottle back on the shelf.

10\. Empty his shampoo. Place the empty bottle back in the shower.

11\. Never throw away empty boxes.

12\. Mix his socks, shirts, underwear and uniform randomly in his drawers.

13\. Throw away his soap.

Skip number fourteen on this list

15\. Never throw out expired food.

16\. Leave your clothes out.

17\. Wash his light and dark clothes together.

18\. Leave your dishes out.

19\. Stain his carpet.

20\. Leave your makeup out.

21\. Leave your lotion out.

22\. Leave you washcloths in a pile on the shower floor.

23\. Leave your books out.

24\. Leave your laptop out

25\. Leave your art supplies out.

26\. Never put the lid back on anything.

know what the schedule is.

28\. Know what today's schedule is, and ignore it.

29\. Don't obey orders.

29\. Never train for anything.

don't dust.

29\. Don't sweep.

29\. Don't mop.

29\. Don't clean anything.

Don't reach number 30

29\. Interrupt him while he is reading.

29\. interrupt him while he is cleaning.

29\. Interrupt him while he is training, especially for minor matters you could take care of yourself.

29\. In a childish way, ask for his help on everything, but only when he is otherwise occupied..

29\. Basically, act like Italy." America laughed, "So what do you think bros? Hilarious right? And I'm not done yet!"

"Dear God, how long is this going to take?" England sighed.


	2. Italy

"How to Annoy the Axis Power: Italy." America said, " That little guy will never know what hit him it will be so funny! Alright here we go, and notice: The author will not be held responsible for any screaming, crying, pasta (hot or cold), tomatoes, paint, brushes, guilt trips or bananas inflicted on the reader as a result of using these ideas. Read at your own risk. Oh, blah, blah, blah, ok here we go with number one!

1\. Organize, and put away his clothes, especially in a way where he can't find anything.

2\. Open the lids to his paints, and let them dry out

3\. Burn his pasta.

4\. Eat all his pasta

5\. Make him train at 3am.

6\. Dump out his herbs and spices and place the empty cans back in the spice cabinet.

7\. Eat all his tomatoes.

8\. Give him food from England.

9\. Mispronounce the names of famous artists.

10\. Let paint dry on his art brushes.

11\. Forget to pack his art supplies.

12\. Let the air out of his football.

13\. Steal all the left socks.

14\. Steal all the left shoes.

15\. Make him stay guard all night.

16\. Take away all white flag making materials.

17\. Yell at him.

18\. Cut the strings of his guitar.

19\. Mess up the tuning of his guitar right before he starts to play it. Deny having anything to do with it, but always mess up the tuning _right after he finishes tuning it._ See how long it takes for him to realize it is you doing this.

20\. Just take away his instrument.

21\. Leave his clay out to dry...before he's done sculpting.

22\. Remind him of when France gave him the sex talk."

England spit out his tea onto Canada, "F-France gave Italy the sex talk?!"

"Iz no trouble really, what better country to come to learn about amour? I have lots of experience in zis area it was no problem," France said.

"He was very young are you sure it was -" England sputtered.

"You nations are such pudes wiz zee kinds of things," France said, "Amour iz nothing to be ashamed of I started our talk with how-"

"OK MOVING ON NOW TO JAPAN!" America shouted.


	3. Japan

"How to Annoy the Axis Powers: Japan, that weird guy who can't say the 'r' sound!" America snickered.

"You're one to talk you people don't even speak a zecond language," France said, "It iz most unrefined,"

"I have to agree with France on this one," England said.

"Dudes, we don't have to know another language because English is the best, and besides why bother? You guys all speak English anyways," America protested.

"Your education iz _most_ disgusting." France said.

"You're just jelous cause you guys aren't as great as I am!" America said, "But back to my list! **Notice:** the author will not be held responsible for any ninja stars, sword wounds, poisoned food, nightmares, or bananas inflicted on the reader as a result of viewing this post. Oh, blah, blah, let's get started. _  
_

First of all hug him. That guy is so weird about physical contact,

2\. Make intense eye contact while speaking to him. Insist it is a cultural thing.

3\. Reference Ninja stereotypes constantly (especially inaccurate ones). Never correct yourself.

4\. Use Naruto as your only reference for Japanese culture.

5\. Poke him.

6\. Slap him.

7\. Cuddle him.

8\. Flick him.

9\. Give him looooooooong hugs. Reallllly slow, awkward long hugs.

10\. Kiss him.

11\. Have absolutely no sense of personal space

12\. Like Italy.

13\. Sing off key.

14\. Eat all his food with your fingers.

15\. Have bad table manners.

16\. Have bad street manners.

17\. Just have bad manners in general.

18\. Replace his weapons with cheap replicas.

19\. Replace his chopsticks with twigs from a tree. INSIST they are the same thing.

20\. Don't bathe.

21\. Don't brush your teeth.

22\. Scratch yourself (anywhere) while around him. Try to shake his hand later.

23\. Pick your teeth around him.

24\. Touch his hair when he's not looking. Deny doing so.

25\. Talk LOUDLY (like Germany).

26\. Pick your nose.

27\. Tickle him.

28\. Walk around naked like it's nothing. Accuse him of being a prude when he's shocked.

29\. Mispronounce all Japanese words. Never correct yourself.

30\. Loudly yell "OMG ITS SO KAWAII!" to EVERYTHING. Even if it isn't cute.

31\. Never be afraid of his video games or horror flicks. Because OMG IT'S SO KAWAII!

32\. Act like you are an expert on Japanese culture OMG IT'S KAWAII! Talk about it all the time OMG IT'S SO KAWAII! Even when he corrects you! ZOMG! ANIME ITS SO KAWAII DESU !

33\. Interrupt him when he's speaking to someone. KAWAII!

34\. Ask him to be your **husbando**! And you'll be his **Waifeo!"  
**

America stacked his papers together with a grin, "That's all guys!"

"What do those word even _mean_?" England asked.

"Dude, like husband and wife only in Japanese!" America exclaimed.

"Those are _not_ Japanese words," England said, sipping his tea.

"Well no, that's why it's annoying, bro!" America said.

"I'm concerned the Axis may decide to retaliate," Russia said, speaking for the first time.

"Russia, you've been awfully quiet," England remarked.

"Oh, that's just because I was listening." Russia replied with a smile.

"You're afraid the Axis will retaliate?" England said.

"Da. You other countries may be in big trouble." Russia replied pleasantly.

"Us other countries..." England said, "You mean, no one's going to annoy you?"

"Oh no, nobody does that anymore." Russia said.

"Why not?" asked France.

"I don't know." Russia said, "It's been a long time sense I was victim of practical joke. The last person who tried mysteriously disappeared, and no one was able to find him..."

An uncomfortable silence followed.

"Well, is been good meeting." Russia stood up, "Proshchay!" he smiled and waved goodbye.


End file.
